Fashion Dysmorphia – Why The Need for Youth is Ruining Our Self-Esteem

February 22, 2019 ·

Let’s have a little sit-down chat, shall we? I recently subscribed to the magazine PORTER instead of receiving the magazine on my Nook. Porter came yesterday, and as I flipped through the magazine, I was creeped out at how young these models were for big brands like Chanel, Michael Kors, Fendi, Jimmy Choo, etc. It’s honestly disgusting to me that in 2019 we are still showing these little girls in clothes that cost over five thousand dollars a piece. Think about that for a second heck is anyone thinking about this or questioning how the fashion industry portrays women?

I don’t think so, or something would have changed by now. I can’t relate to teenagers in a Chanel suit or a teenager putting on Chanel makeup. I think it’s ridiculous for me to try and compare my skin, face, body to an embryo. Let’s remember that I probably see zero to one percent of the time a gray-haired model or woman over fifty featured in these magazines (that’s not a celebrity) such as Elle and Harpers Bazaar. Oh, wait! I did see a mature woman with long gray hair for Valentino but they had her hold up branches with leaves all over them so I couldn’t see her face. If you don’t believe me check out the March issue of Harpers Bazaar. We all know the fashion and beauty industry is extremely shallow but how is looking at a pubescent girl going to make me want to buy clothes? Buy an anti-wrinkle cream or even better seven hundred dollar shoes?

We all know the fashion and beauty industry is extremely shallow but how is looking at a pubescent girl going to make me want to buy clothes? Buy an anti-wrinkle cream or even better seven hundred dollar shoes?

Advertising is all subconscious ladies; you look through these magazines and page after glossy page you are bombarded with teenagers, unrealistic images, some women over the age of thirty and forty but very rarely. What does that say to us? If you are over forty, you are not beautiful, not worthy of being shown in an ad? Seriously how can you go to the Chanel counter and look at the teenage girls on their point of sale and think I am sixty-five I am going to look like that if I use this cream for four hundred dollars? Is thin, thinner, thinnest the only size in fashion? Surgery, laser, botox, filler anyone?

As a former model, I am getting so tired of seeing this display of ignorance and limited thinking by the fashion and beauty industry. It’s almost laughable to put Kaia Gerber (Cindy Crawfords daughter) a seventeen-year-old that has sparked tons of rumors recently for having an eating disorder in a Fendi or Jimmy Choo advertisement. Am I missing something? Because I feel like I am. I have nothing against Kaia or the other teenagers featured in these ads; it’s the ripple down effect that I want to point out. The pressure is beyond intense in the social media/fashion/beauty industries with more and more “influencers” completely changing their faces and bodies whether that is in the form of filters or full-blown surgeries. What is this saying to our daughters? What is this saying to women in general that feel like they are not enough because all they see is altered faced and bodies? The competition is brutal; influencers are all vying for a bite out of the lucrative pot of “influencer” marketing dollars. Enter why people buy fake followers and “likes” geez did I even just write that?

I ran a poll on my Instagram Stories the other day asking you if you thought it was weird that Chanel was featuring teenagers in their ads and most of you said that now that you think about my statement it WAS peculiar. Hearing from my followers reinforced what I have been thinking for a long time now, NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT HOW WEIRD ANY OF THIS IS. We are all looking and not caring, or we are so numb to how dysfunctional these powerhouse advertisements are that we are blind to them. Do you think this will ever stop? Do you think that there could be a movement that one day companies will show who is really buying their clothes, accessories, and makeup?

In my opinion, it’s all fun and games for these girls until you see what’s happening behind the scenes with the pressure of social media and the pressure of the fashion industry to be thin, “perfect” and fit into a fake world ruled by numbers, subscribers, followers. Take for example Lisa Rina’s daughter Dalia, I caught up on the second episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night and was not surprised to see that Lisa’s daughter came out to the world about her eating disorder from the pressures of trying to be a model. More and more girls are looking at these ads like Chanel and Fendi with Kaia and thinking that this is normal. Selfie surgery is on the rise if you don’t know what that is you’re lucky.

Not all companies are creating this unrealistic disease. We still have CoverGirl and Neutrogena that have a brain and have tapped into their demographic. CoverGirl is featuring Maye Musk age seventy with the campaign slogan “I Am What I Make Up” and Neutrogena featuring Nicole Kidman age fifty-one for an age-appropriate skin care product like “Rapid Wrinkle Repair.” This post isn’t about not buying from Chanel or the rest of the fashion houses that are out of touch with women. This post is about being aware in a world where it seems we accept what we see and don’t stand up and say HEY! That’s Not Right!!! Start the conversation, stand up for what you think is right or wrong. Don’t sit back and think “Oh well, it’s all too big and out of reach for me.” or “I am just one voice who really cares?

I can’t wait until the day that I hear my mailbox clang pour a glass of crisp champagne and slide into my reclining couch to read the latest fashion magazine. I expect to see glossy page after glossy page women over forty that inspire me, encourage me to embrace my age and love my aging body. It might be far off on the fashion and beauty horizon, but I will never stop dreaming of the day we celebrate women through age and acceptance in magazines, billboards, the workforce, TV and commercials.

Is One Voice Enough?

December 17, 2018 ·

Gabrielle Union is the latest woman up on the chopping block because of her infertility and the picture of her holding her newborn in a hospital gown skin on skin. Before I jump into this topic, let me give you a little bit of background.

Gabrielle Union is an American actress, activist, and author. She is married to NBA star Dwyane Wade and is very open about her struggles to conceive. Even though I don’t know Gabrielle personally if we met, we would understand each other without having to say a word.

You see, we are both IVF sisters we share a silent bond of struggle, sadness, longing, heartache, and loss we also share a late diagnosis of endometriosis.

Dealing with painful periods my entire life was one thing and has since lessened after the endometriosis surgery but the pain of not being able to have a biological child well, that pain will last a lifetime.

Even though it seems like everyone is doing IVF or having fertility struggles coming forward publicly is not easy. Gabrielle’s decision to share her journey helps other women that might be silently enduring the pain of infertility.

When I saw the post on Instagram from Oprah saying that Gabrielle is receiving unfair criticism and Mommy shamming about the pregnancy and childbirth of her daughter it enraged me. Thank goodness Gabrielle was able to use a surrogate.

I am not sure why this is such a big deal to people, but it seems that Gabrielle was wearing a hospital gown and holding her newborn skin to skin common protocol for a new Mother. The public took this as she was trying to “pretend” she had the baby herself.

I am outraged that people are saying that she is “trying to pretend she had the baby.” For starters, Gabrielle went through eight to nine miscarriages (she has said she lost count of how many) and another eight failed IVF cycles. She has been completely transparent about her baby journey.

For the people that have made a negative comment it’s out of ignorance and the intent to spread negativity. Just like with any other life issue or struggle you will never know how it feels unless you are going or have been through it. When are we going to stop this negative cycle towards women?

The scary thing is most of these comments come from women. Why is it that we all think that we need to state our opinion, thoughts, or advice to a stranger on social media?

“WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP THIS NEGATIVE CYCLE TOWARDS WOMEN?”

I understand everyone wants to have a say in the social abyss. We have created a platform for every person with a keyboard under their fingers to chime in anonymously and give you their opinion about anything and everything.

I am not saying you can’t have a voice, but it seems that most of the nasty negative comments come without education or facts and THAT’S what the issue is especially when dealing with sensitive women issues. If we came together to help and support women when dealing with pregnancy, surrogacy, miscarriage and infertility problems maybe there wouldn’t be such a taboo hush-hush cloud covering these topics.

I thought after writing for three years for Not Just a Beauty Blogger that I wouldn’t really get involved in issues like this anymore, but it just hits a chord with me.

Is one voice enough? This question comes up a lot for me. Somedays when I get bombarded with negative and downright cruel comments about my appearance on YouTube I think why am I even doing this! Why even try and help women with their beauty when I get so much hate from WOMEN.

I then realize that my voice is POWERFUL, BOLD and UNAPOLOGETIC beyond measure. I open the folder I made on my computer for what I like to call my email “love letters’ that I have received from women all over the world. I read through these emails and feel recharged. It gives me hope to hear how much I have impacted their life whether that might be through my IVF blog, Fresh Beauty Studio’s blog or my Beauty YouTube channel.

So I ask myself this again ‘Is one voice enough?’I would say YES! One voice starts the movement of change. Luckily my voice was united with dozens of other women that had or were going through their own fertility journey back in 2014. Together we did and do make an impact on educating the public on infertility and endometriosis.
So ladies, if you are sitting behind your laptop or mobile device today feeling overwhelmed by what strangers have said to you about the color of your hair maybe you are feeling you are too old to date or feel like a big fat failure because you are or have struggled with fertility. Know you are not alone.

We can make a difference and stop this negative cycle of comments by choosing the words we allow out of our mouths. Check in with yourself and open your heart and arms to women just like yourself that are struggling (don’t kid yourself, we are all challenged in some way throughout the years) through this thing we call life.

Silver Sister Spotlight with Beth Djalali-Style at a Certain Age

September 15, 2018 ·

I can’t believe that it’s been two whole months since I last posted! I was busy working on my new fall lipstick collection that launched this month, writing my first book that will be available this holiday season. And Ladies there is more exciting news on a couple of BIG projects I will be announcing and sharing with you in the upcoming weeks, but today I am thrilled to feature Beth from the top-rated blog and YouTube channel Style at a Certain Age. Beth and I met through Instagram, and I had the pleasure of meeting Beth and her husband “Mr. Style” in real life this month for dinner. You might have caught our fun night out with our husbands if you follow me on Instagram I posted a Story of the two of us at one of South Florida’s most popular seafood restaurants on the beach.

I thought Beth was the perfect woman to feature on Beauty Reinvented not only because she is a Silver Sister but so many of you are looking for style advice as you transition into gray. Beth gives you solid, approachable fashion advice on her YouTube channel and total style eye candy on her Instagram feed. I love how she incorporates her classic style into everything she does from her Friday drink recipes to her Instagram stories. Make sure you sign up for her Newsletter, so you don’t miss out on any style inspiration.

Q: What age did you decide to let your hair go gray?

When I turned fifty, my stylist in Minneapolis suggested that the highlights we foiled in every three months or so were replicating my natural hair color. When she said let’s go
“au naturel,” I said yes, and never looked back.

Q: How did you find your niche in the fashion blogging world?

Well, I always call myself the accidental blogger as I found my way into the blogosphere through a book I wrote but didn’t get published. I did snag an agent who emphasized the importance of a social media presence for writers/authors. It took me two years before the light bulb went on to share my daily outfits through a blog and corresponding social channels. The twenty-year-olds were doing it why not a fifty-six-year-old? Who knew it would be so much fun?!

Q: You have lived all over the world, do you feel that living overseas has influenced your personal style?

Not having the opportunity to shop my favorite brands helped me to become creative with the items already hanging in my closet. When I came back to the States for a yearly visit, I learned to power shop a skill that serves me well as a style blogger. On the plus side, I had access to some amazing tailors and affordable tailor-made clothes while living in Asia. That was a game-changer!

Q: What are the three must-have fashion pieces every woman over forty should own?

Blazer, blue jeans, and a fabulous handbag.

Q: What wardrobe colors work best for women with gray hair?

Oh gosh, that’s a hard question as I don’t feel as if I wear outfits based on colors. Don’t get me wrong; I knew there are certain colors that suit my coloring better than other colors. But I love brown and still wear it. I guess you’d say I like coloring outside the lines.

Q: What makes you “tick” when it comes to fashion?

I am a classic style girl through and through and have been since my teens. But I’ve learned to keep my classic outfits looking fresh and modern instead of stodgy and stale with accessories. Scarves, shoes, belts, handbags, and jewelry that are tied to the trends help!

A big thank you to Beth for sharing some of her style tips with us today and don’t forget to follow her on her blog, Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook for up to the minute style. Remember we have a lot of support on my private Facebook group “Beauty Reinvented” so come on over and join us we would love to support you. Until next time Ladies, Stay Fierce!

Ladies with a Gray Attitude

April 18, 2018 ·

Let’s face it you have to have a fierce attitude when you go gray. Now, this is not a negative attitude, it’s not an unattractive attitude it’s an attitude that shows confidence and self-worth.

PC: Rick Gomez Photography

From my experience, I felt very uncomfortable when I first decided to ditch the dye. I would look in the mirror and separate my hair and say OMG what are you thinking? What are you doing? I would flip through magazines and see hair campaigns with girls my age sporting gorgeous brunette glossy locks and then I would see commercials with girls in slow motion running with their beautiful freshly dyed hair waving at me. I felt so alone, so weird and so unattractive. Can you relate?

“When Society Says NO, You Say YES!”

PC: Rick Gomez Photography

In life, we all know the saying it’s not what happens to you it’s how you handle it or something along those lines. I decided to start looking at myself as lucky, lucky that I had hair, lucky my hair was gray, lucky that I could be an inspiration to other women wanting to embrace their gray hair. That’s when it all changed for me and my gray hair and I became friends. How long did this take? Probably a good year into the transition. What made my hair journey so much easier is that I didn’t try and stay the same with the style of my hair. I cut it to a chic bob and kept cutting it every six weeks so the black dye would quickly disappear. You can’t half-ass going gray you are either in or out. There is no “Let me kind of see how this looks” or “Oh I will just do gray a little bit.” Cut your hair and get over it. It’s not cute to have hair on the ground and gray roots that will never catch up. That’s, where the fierce part comes in you, have to grab your personal gray movement by the roots and go for it. Ladies hair does not define you and cutting your hair is a necessity to your gray hair journey.

“You Can’t Half-Ass Going Gray, You Are Either In or Out.” Nikol Johnson

Maybe you have a boyfriend, spouse or partner that is not supportive. You and only you have to Own Your Beauty. Your gray hair journey is not for anyone else to decide Period. You are running this race no one else. So if you don’t have a support system head on over to my private Facebook group called Beauty Reinvented and join the other ladies that are going through the same thing you are. Remember it all starts from within.