I am a total stalker when it comes to Instagram and women showcasing their gray hair journey. I love that we can all connect on social media and share our unique stories. I found Pilar somehow through all my late night scrolling and I couldn’t wait to share her journey with you. Show Pilar some love and go visit her on Instagram.
Pilar is native Spaniard and has spent most of her adult years living and working abroad. She has a BA in Film and Media and an MA in Screenwriting, she has worked in the film, TV and theatre industries. In recent years she made a career move exploring some aspects of marketing, and she is currently on sabbatical doing what she enjoys most: helping raise awareness and funds for two charities she has been collaborating with for years, and acting as a consultant for one-off fundraising events. She resides in London with her husband and their two daughters.
When did you start going gray?
My last appointment to cover my greys was late June 2017. I had not planned it, it was a simple ‘what if’ scenario. What if I stopped dyeing my hair? What if I liked what I saw? What if it suited me? I talked to my stylist during that last appointment and to my surprise, he was all for it. Next thing I know is that we are exchanging pics of hairstyles for grey-haired ladies. Two months later he dyed my colored hair one last time adding highlights where my natural hair was lighter, and lowlights where it was still dark. I lost a bit of my new growth in the process, which is why I always mention two timelines when I date a picture of my hair, but it was definitely worth going through this five-hour long appointment at the salon.
How did you feel going gray in your forties?
I started seeing greys in my early 20s, and they kept multiplying until I first dyed them in my late 30s. I was familiar with living with a certain amount of greys and I knew I had a lighter streak at the front but I had never imagined that my hair would be so much more salt than pepper now.
I am the only one among my friends who has grey hair and does not color it. I initially thought that this might affect me, that I would feel unattractive and out of place when around them. Then there were the thoughts about work. Since the prospect of applying for jobs that will involve face-to-face meetings with clients is considerably high given my background, I also thought that my hair would be an issue when I start interviewing again after my sabbatical. It turns out that I am delighted with my decision of going grey and I do not feel that I am less just because I do not conform any more to the norm of hiding my silvers if anything this has made me stronger. And if my silvers are an issue to a potential employer, then that company would not be worth working for!
I have gifted myself three hours of my time every three weeks, and I do not have to worry anymore about calculating when to dye my roots so I would look on point for a certain event or holiday. I can’t wait for my hair to be all grey, but in the meantime, there are many ways of looking stylish. What’s not to like about this?!
What’s been your hardest challenge going gray?
In all fairness, the process is being a lot less challenging than I had anticipated. The first few weeks were certainly the most difficult. Getting used to the idea that my natural roots were here to stay took me a bit of time and a lot of staring at them in the mirror. I knew there would be no more color appointment so I made the effort of wearing my new growth with pride, and I only used colored hair powder and sprays on two occasions: a gala dinner and a wedding, both at the beginning of my transition. I attended family weddings on the third and fourth month of my transition and on both occasions I asked for a hairstyle that would bring out my silvers rather than hide them.
Also, I noticed early in my gray transition that if I wanted to succeed I could not neglect my hairstyle or my make-up on a daily basis. For someone used to air dry her hair and with zero make-up skills this has probably been the most challenging part, and yet I am enjoying it: it’s never too late to learn new skills!
What advice do you have for the woman that gets negative comments about her gray hair?
I have not received many negative comments so far, and I am certain that my extremely positive attitude about going grey has a lot to do with this. Transitioning to grey is quite a bumpy ride, and the key to success is to own your decision. Feel confident, and people will see beautiful silvers and the prospect of a healthy mane rather than grey roots.
You may get compliments from total strangers and the nastiest of comments from close friends or relatives. Your inner circle will have the greatest impact on how you feel during the transition. Be prepared for insensitive comments, and some funny looks, especially at the beginning of the process. My husband had never wanted me to dye my hair so he was very supportive, even when my roots looked like a hot mess. My children… well, that was a very different story: they almost cried! I was the cool mum all their friends wished they had and all of a sudden they were picturing me as this 100-year-old grey haired witch that children see in animated films… and they reminded me of it on a daily basis! Then there were my friends, most of them encouraging me to do this with just one or two friends telling me how old I would look and asking me to color my hair again, to do it ‘for them’… But the real shock came when my own mother, who has never dyed her hair and has a wonderful healthy silver mane, told me I should not stop coloring my hair because it would age me. Of course, determined as I am when I want to do something, I listened, smiled, and carried on with my business. Eventually, those who openly opposed to my grey journey, in the beginning, have now either come around or given up on me. Remember that there is one certain thing about novelty: it wears out!
What made you want to share your gray hair journey on social media?
When I started this journey I found stunning grey-haired ladies who inspired me, ladies whose hair made me dream that one day perhaps mine would be half as beautiful. As a matter of fact, your Instagram account was one of the first relevant accounts I followed, and it’s not just your incredible grey hair that I love.
I am not a model, nor am I a fabulous photographer or even have decent equipment (I mostly post iPhone selfies), and I certainly do not have a glamorous life… at least not always! I am just a girl next door many women could relate to, a practical woman who is consistent with her lifestyle choices, and I created @silverlocksshining with that in mind. Instagram is the ideal platform to quickly share the ups and downs of my everyday going-grey life, and other women who may be considering taking the plunge can see what I am experiencing: the challenges, the changes (some of them deeper than just hair color), the hair growth at every stage… Lots of headshots, which may help others overcome a rough phase or maybe picture themselves with grey hair. Even if every journey is different, seeing that someone has been there too and has managed to go through it can encourage others to stay the course.
Sharing my journey on social media also helps me keep focused and see the evolution myself. We all have days when we think nothing has changed in weeks and this visual record proves me that my hair is indeed growing and that it is now stronger, healthier and much shinier than all those years I was throwing color at it to cover those silvers I am now in love with.
