It’s Not So Black and White

Not everyone goes through a gray hair journey with jet black hair and white roots, but that’s what my gray hair journey looked like for me. I want you ladies to know that it’s not a smooth transition, besides the way it looks you will second guess your decision almost every minute of the day. Here is my very first photo shoot with the gray February 4th of 2016. It was right before my first PGS tested embryo transfer in Colorado. Not only did I have this gray hair issue I had bruises all over my stomach from all the shots. I remember feeling embarrassed changing with the stylist because I didn’t want her to see my estrogen patches and all the discoloration from the bruises. I was also heavier from the past year of five IVF rounds with synthetic hormones. I had mental trauma and physical not only from going gray but the layer of infertility on top of it all.

I was flying out to Colorado the next week for the transfer. Ladies, just imagine walking into an infertility clinic with this hair and fighting with doctors about “advanced maternal aging” enough said.

I have been working with my fantastic photographer Rick Gomez since I was twenty so when I called him to schedule this shoot I felt very uncomfortable that I was coming back on the fashion scene with gray hair. He told me not to worry about it that he was also gray. Now, I don’t know if that made me feel better or if I was thinking well, gray hair always is acceptable for men.

As a model since the age of fifteen “testing” as we call it in the industry means taking pictures for your portfolio always came easy for me. I loved creating and putting together looks but this particular shoot I felt so off and out of touch I had to talk myself out of it. I had to get my mind in the right place or else I would walk off the photo shoot. So what’s the big deal that I have tons of gray? Does that make me a different person? Do people view me differently? If so, do I care?

These were some of the thoughts I had but kept moving forward with the shoot. I had to keep repeating positive mantras to keep going. “You are beautiful,” “You can do this.”

I know looking at this shoot my confidence level was rock bottom and you can’t lie to the camera. The camera picks up everything so even if you think you are tricking the camera it screams what you are feeling. As the shoot went on, I started to feel a little more like myself. I had to keep telling myself; this is who I am there is no reason to cover it up. You can see that I was gray in the front and black in the back. As time passed the black seemed so out of place in my life, it was as if my authentic self was saying enough is enough.

I want you ladies to know that I felt very uncomfortable being just forty and choosing to let my gray hair take over. It didn’t start out as being a rebellious statement but the deeper I pushed into my gray hair journey and the more ridiculous comments I received I felt that I had to do it. I wanted to represent women in a new light, a new unique beauty without limitations. Why do we still think that gray means old? Every time I see a woman writing negative comments on my YouTube videos saying words like “old” “older” “ages you.” I think to myself “Poor thing she’s so dated and out of touch.” And that is precisely what she is, dated with her thinking, with her words and not to mention she is vibrating at a shallow level. If you find yourself wanting to say negative statements about another woman’s beauty or hair choices NO ONE HAS TIME FOR THAT. Take that energy and start sending women light. The beauty world has enough negativity we don’t need more of that especially when gray means Power, Fierce, Bold and Confidence.

If you are thinking about going gray, there is no better time to do it than now Allure magazine has named 2018 the Year of Gray Hair. I have started a beauty revolution with this website for encouragement, a private Facebook group and fierce gray hair videos on YouTube for you. I have a Silver Sister spotlight on this blog to help share other women’s stories and to ignite your passion for yourself. So stop thinking you “look old” stop listening to everyone around you and start listening to yourself. What do you want? What do you want to represent? That’s what you need to do. Be so obsessed with your life, beauty, gray hair and encouraging women that you don’t have time to focus on anyone else.

Photo Credit: Rick Gomez Photography