For Our Silver Sister Spotlight, this week is on ‘Dr. Shelly,’ a college professor who teaches undergraduate and graduate students in the fields of instructional design, adult learning, and instructional technology at a large Midwestern university in the U.S.  She is married to her high school sweetheart and best friend, whom she met when she was just 14. “We have two beautiful children that I adore with all my heart, both teenagers.” Her latest hobby is training her first-ever pup – a Goldendoodle named Ted – to become a therapy dog at the local Children’s Hospital. “Just looking at Teddie makes people chuckle; I hope he can bring joy to the children and momentarily allow them to escape their illnesses.”  She also enjoys just about anything outdoors, including her butterfly garden, snorkeling in tropical waters, yoga, hiking, boating, and relaxing at the family’s lakefront cottage.

I was so taken back when I found Shelly on Instagram because her hair is so dramatic, fierce and tells a story. It takes a strong woman to bravely embrace her gray hair transition. Shelly reminds me of a mix between an extraordinary woman that was in my life when I was a child and Julia Roberts. When you look at Shelly’s gray hair journey documented on Instagram the beginning pictures have a lot of weight and uncertainty to them. As Shelly progresses, embraces and allows her hair to almost develop like a butterfly you can see the pure light that radiates within her. Bold, Fierce and Owning her beauty. Ladies, this too will happen to you. I am so happy that Shelly agreed to be featured on Beauty Reinvented, her hair has a story to tell, and we can learn so much from her journey.

Q: At what age did you start seeing gray hair and what made you decide to ditch the dye?

I saw my first gray hair when I was 18 years old. Without blinking an eye, I bought a hair dye kit, and that was the beginning of three decades of dying. At that young age, it was already programmed in me that gray hair was something to hide. We must change this mindset.  I found my daughter’s first silver hair last month.  I have encouraged her to think about not coloring her hair, should more silvers appear. Let’s encourage our beautiful daughters to love their whole selves to be confident in who they are, not in who society tells them they should be.

Q: You have a very powerful transformation. How did you feel when you started seeing the white roots?

I was admittedly horrified. Society has deeply entrenched us to think that silver hair on women is unattractive, yet men are more distinguished with their gray hair. It is ingrained in women that gray hair is ‘old, ugly, shameful and that we should go to great lengths to hide it.’  I have made significant strides in my evolution of how I perceive hair color.  I now see the white, silver, brown and steely gray as unique and now that I am 11 months into my journey, see a complete picture of what the end will look like and I cannot wait! There is no one else in this world that has my unique blend of natural highlights and lowlights. I am 100% unique now! No more hiding, no more shame. It feels so good just to accept it and move on.

Q: Did you find that society was shocked by your decision to be authentic with your hair color?

I was really worked up about what people would think, but the truth is, people truly do not care about other people’s hair. Most ignore it. Some are confused. Some think it is intentionally dyed to look this way. One man said, “Wow, you must have paid a fortune for that hair color!” I have heard a couple of ignorant comments. But what I love most is when I catch another woman glancing at the new hair growing out of my head because when she smiles back at me, I am 100% certain I have encountered another Silver Sister in the making, and I hope I have given her pause to consider accepting her silvers.

Q: What do people say to you about your hair?

I have had more compliments in the past year than I have ever had in my entire life put together! One woman chased me down in a furniture store to tell me how gorgeous she thought my hair was, and she ended it with “And I’m a hair stylist so I should know!” Random women and men have stopped me to tell me they like my hair. I stand out now. I am different than any other woman I know in my age bracket. I am a Silver Sister who has broken that bloody awful cycle of dying my hair and feeling the need to dye my hair every week because of the white halo that emerged about five days after every dye. What kind of quality of life is that? Every seven days I was embarrassed to go out because my roots were visible and it looked awful. I have had a humiliating year at times with a really awful demarcation line, but it was worth the trade because I am free now, and empowered. I am no longer held down. I have a greater quality of life, and I have so much more time to enjoy my life because I have broken this vicious dye cycle. I lived for the dye. It dictated my life. It was like a drug that I needed a hit off of to make me feel good. I am coming up on my “Silver Anniversary” – the one year mark of having a healthier body and mind since ditching the dye. I am so happy to be in this place.

Q: You have mentioned in your Instagram posts that your body became very ill from the toxic dye. Can you tell us what symptoms you had?

My body started to systemically reject hair dye in ways one would never directly correlate with hair dye; and now that I no longer dye, my symptoms have almost all disappeared. It started with digestive symptoms and food intolerances a few years ago and then moved to eczema of the eye.  Every time I colored my hair, my scalp burned for days. After my last professional salon dye 14 months ago, my scalp was so damaged that every time I brushed my hair, electrical shocks were sent to my eye.  Within 24 hours of my last home dye on May 6, 2017, my body went into anaphylactic shock, and for days I carried an Epi-pen with me, even slept with it, I was so fearful. I could not eat anything without my body reacting; my body was red, swollen and itchy; my scalp on fire; my heart raced for weeks every time I ingested any food or drink. I honestly thought that my hair was going to kill me. My body was outraged, and it finally drew the line in the sand. Enough was enough.  (And no thank you to all who have recommended the natural, organic hair dyes. I’m done!)

Our skin is our biggest organ, and when you make it absorb the toxic chemical frequently found in darker hair dyes, Paraphenylenediamine (PPD), it can have a dangerous impact. I fear the damage I have done to my body with dying my hair so regularly, and for so long, as it has been linked to cancer (American Cancer Society, 2018).  Educate yourselves before starting or continuing on this journey. There are options!

Q: How have you dealt with the anxiety and self-doubt that gray hair brings?

I do believe that “gray anxiety” exists and it can be depressing, debilitating, and frightening for some.  We have started a gray revolution because we want to empower women to embrace who they are, to reform beauty standards, and to learn to accept and love themselves as they are.  I think many women mourn their youth so ditching the dye in a way, becomes symbolic of accepting we are growing older, that we are not immortal. And similar to mourning, I think there are stages we must work through on our journeys – shock, sadness, depression, and eventually, acceptance.

After recognizing that “shaming” my hair in front of my kids was only perpetuating societal views on going gray, I refrained from speaking negatively about my hair ever again.  I relied heavily on my biggest supporter, my husband, who tells me every day how beautiful he thinks I am. I decided to be openly gray this time and never used the temporary hair colors to diffuse the demarcation line; for me, it made going public even harder after hiding and then revealing the hair again.  I also found great strength in the Silver Sisters who are part of my Instagram family. They are the most evolved, loving, compassionate, and supportive women. They are a close-knit group; they accept you when you fail, shower you with love when you need it, inspire you with their confidence; and humble you with their honesty and vulnerability. Many of the Silver Sisters are professional models, who are showing the world it’s okay to age; it’s okay to be gray. Nikol, you are one of these women.  Thank you for your inspiration to the gray revolution and reinventing beauty!

For more inspiring pictures follow Dr. Shelley on Instagram @ Silvertransitions.